Having had a few incidents with cyclists recently (nearly being run over by them being the main one), I think it's time for some rules in relation to bikes. After all, they are commuters too.
1. You must never where a helmet or hi viz jacket. If you forget and do wear a hi viz jacket/vest, you must put your bag over it. Under no circumstances should you put the jacket over the bag.
2. You must not have lights on your bike - pedestrians and other road users have excellent night vision/lights of their own and will be able to see you, especially when you are wearing dark clothing on an unlit road.
3. Red traffic lights do not apply to you. You can ride straight through them - and straight through any pedestrian trying to cross the road. Other traffic is fair game too - your body will make a nice dent in a car or van and you may even get bed and breakfast in a hospital bed for a few days! You may also go onto the pavement to avoid a red light.
4. If you do decide to wait at a red light (after all, your legs may need a rest), stop alongside a car or van and lean against it.
5. If you feel unsafe on the road, you may cycle on he pavement. Pedestrians do not have right of way - they are blocking your access and you can give them dirty looks or shout at them. Again, if you are feeling tired, walk along pushing your bike - pedestrians love you for doing this, after all, you can't run them over if your walking and you're not taking up extra room in an already crowded pavement).
6. Cycling with a friend? Ride side by side so you can catch up on all the gossip.
7. Traffic too noisy? Plug in your iPod to block out all the road sounds. You don't need to hear the lorry, police car etc coming.
8. Traffic signs do not apply to you - it's only cars etc that are restricted on one way streets and have to give way at road junctions.
9. Cycle lanes are just for show - especially on a busy road. You should actually ride on the wrong side of the road to making turning easier.
10. If you need to turn right at a junction and you are on the correct side, you must cross in front of the other traffic - they have brakes and even if they are faster than you can still apply them in time.
11. You must drive close to lorries, buses and other large vehicles. Drivers of these love to try and spot you hiding just out of sight of their wing mirrors!
12. Always overtake on the inside. It's also fun to swerve into he road from the pavement at the last minute. We all love to hear the squeal of breaks and the sounding of horns.
There are also a few things to consider when taking your bike in a train during rush hour.
13. When the train company says folding bikes only, they do not of course mean you. You can of course take your massive racing bike into a packed train.
14. You must place your bike - unfolded - diagonally across the doorway. This works well if there is another bike already on board or a pram or pushchair.
15. Worried your bike may fall over while you are sitting comfortably further down the carriage? Chain it up - blocking the gangway and/or door is best. Combination locks or padlocks are best for his but bungee cords wrapped around the pole several times will also work.
16. When using stairs to get too:from the platform, your bike must be carried on your shoulder and you must not wait until the rush of people has gone. People don't really mind getting a few bruises or knocked down the stairs!
Happy cycling!
Many thanks to my friends on Facebook for their help in compiling these rules.
Be a rebel occasionally - break the rules!
