Has the Evening Standard been reading this?

It seems they may have been judging by this article! 

https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/london-life/18-of-the-worst-things-you-do-on-the-tube-that-make-people-hate-you-a3507161.html

Feet on seats

Apologies for the lack of posts - everyone has been really good recently with keeping the rules!

I realised yesterday that I don’t have a rule about feet on seats. What prompted me to realise this? A video shared on the Dartford Rail Travellers Group on Facebook. 

Although, as is the case with these things, the cause of the argument between the two travellers hasn’t been caught on camera. But from the comments, it would appear that the woman (I can’t call her a lady for reasons which will become obvious) has her legs crossed and was touching the gentleman opposite her with her foot. Now I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be happy with someone’s dirty shoe touching me, whether I was dressed smartly for work or in myweekend attire of jeans and jumper.  It’s not clear whether the gentleman asked her to move her foot or just moved it himself but it sent the woman into a frenzy of abuse.   The gentleman was wonderful - he didn’t get into a slanging match with her, he just laughed at her - which probably made her worse. 

She then decided to step up a gear. Not content with trying to belittle him on a crowded London bound train, she decided to place her foot on his seat, between his legs and taunt him that she was touching his balls. And still he kept calm. I’m sure at this point most men would have finally flipped. After all, he was just sitting there minding his own business and keeping Rule 15 when this all started!

I will work out a proper rule to deal with this type of situation over the next few days and post it so that we know how to respond to feet on seats. In the meantime, the story was been picked up by the Metro so you can see the video for yourselves - and see exactly why I couldn’t call her a lady!

http://metro.co.uk/2017/12/07/woman-refuses-take-feet-off-seat-keeps-foot-mans-legs-7141781/

Feet

Now we all know that the best way to ensure that you have enough space around you is to place your bag on the seat. But what do you do if you don't have a bag (handbag, shopping, briefcase etc)?

In this instance the proper commuter etiquette is to place your feet on the seat. Most people will accomplish this be stretching their legs out and putting their feet on the seat opposite. But it can also work if you turn your body sideways and stretch out along the bench. Tonight, this gentleman demonstrates the correct position when you are in the double as opposed to triple seat. 

Beauty and the train

While staring at my computer screen earlier today at work, I saw a headline on the BBC news site that caught my attention as it appeared to relate to Rule 18 (ladies applying make up on the train).   Curious I clicked on it.  The article is about how a Japanese train company is trying to persuade ladies to not do their make up on the train and is causing some controversy it seems.

The video is one in a series designed to educate passengers on train etiquette and features two female commuters applying mascara and lipstick.  A fellow passenger watching them whispers "ugly to see" and then tells them off (strangely this involves some form of dancing in front of them). 

Some passengers are not happy about being dictated to in this way.  Personally I can't see the problem:  I love being elbowed by women applying their mascara and getting their powder blown all over me.  But what do you think? (You will probably need to read the article as well as watching the video, unless of course you can speak Japanese!)

Move down the carriage please

This article in the Daily Mash made me smile. It's just a variation of Rule 1. But I would also point them in the direction of Rule 22

http://m.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/people-who-want-to-get-on-train-angry-at-people-who-want-to-get-off-it-20160413107973

Rule 10 - cold weather

"On a cold day, wear as many layers as possible and insist on opening all the windows rather than take your coat/jumper etc off."

I am making an exception to this rule for the time being. Passengers on Southeastern services only are allowed to open windows and strip down to their indoor clothes (but only that far!) on any service that resembles an oven. Once this train company see fit to regulate their heating so that passengers are not made to feel faint, are not being cooked and are not having to worry about their food being cooked, then this rule will be reinstated in its entirety. 

Rule 4 - Disabled seats

As I walked through the train lookin for a seat this morning, I was a little annoyed that two people were seating in my favourite place. I love the fold down seats on the DLR that is the priority area for wheelchair users. But I have to admire them for refusing the give up even one of those seats for the guy that got on that was in a wheelchair. I'm sure he wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone by making them move. 

Rule 3 - taking up seat space

Hats off to the person who managed this this morning:

I'm assuming the case belonged to the gentleman across the aisle (as there was no-one else in that part of the carriage). The gentleman was also keeping the rule as he was on the aisle seat and thereby preventing anyone from sitting next to him. Luckily at the time I got on there was plenty of other seating available - but this train gets busier further up the line. 

Rule 17 - Reading

This is the rule that 99% of people have no difficulty in keeping it seems, myself included.  I've actually become quite good at judging my surroundings while catching up on Facebook and Twitter after a busy day at work.

Tonight though was the best example yet.  Back in March I posted about the woman walking along reading who managed to avoid walking into anything (here) and I was disappointed that she didn't.  However, whilst walking home from the station looking at my own message, I looked up just in time to see a young lady falling up the kerb as she was so engrossed in her phone.  I couldn't help but laugh!  Is that mean? I don't think so - she wasn't hurt (well, maybe her pride just a little).

Bicycles

Having had a few incidents with cyclists recently (nearly being run over by them being the main one), I think it's time for some rules in relation to bikes. After all, they are commuters too. 

1.  You must never where a helmet or hi viz jacket. If you forget and do wear a hi viz jacket/vest, you must put your bag over it. Under no circumstances should you put the jacket over the bag. 

2. You must not have lights on your bike - pedestrians and other road users have excellent night vision/lights of their own and will be able to see you, especially when you are wearing dark clothing on an unlit road. 

3. Red traffic lights do not apply to you. You can ride straight through them - and straight through any pedestrian trying to cross the road. Other traffic is fair game too - your body will make a nice dent in a car or van and you may even get bed and breakfast in a hospital bed for a few days! You may also go onto the pavement to avoid a red light.

4.  If you do decide to wait at a red light (after all, your legs may need a rest), stop alongside a car or van and lean against it. 

5. If you feel unsafe on the road, you may cycle on he pavement. Pedestrians do not have right of way - they are blocking your access and you can give them dirty looks or shout at them. Again, if you are feeling tired, walk along pushing your bike - pedestrians love you for doing this, after all, you can't run them over if your walking and you're not taking up extra room in an already crowded pavement). 

6.  Cycling with a friend? Ride side by side so you can catch up on all the gossip. 

7. Traffic too noisy? Plug in your iPod to block out all the road sounds. You don't need to hear the lorry, police car etc coming. 

8. Traffic signs do not apply to you - it's only cars etc that are restricted on one way streets and have to give way at road junctions. 

9. Cycle lanes are just for show - especially on a busy road. You should actually ride on the wrong side of the road to making turning easier. 

10.  If you need to turn right at a junction and you are on the correct side, you must cross in front of the other traffic - they have brakes and even if they are faster than you can still apply them in time. 

11. You must drive close to lorries, buses and other large vehicles. Drivers of these love to try and spot you hiding just out of sight of their wing mirrors!

12. Always overtake on the inside. It's also fun to swerve into he road from the pavement at the last minute.  We all love to hear the squeal of breaks and the sounding of horns. 

There are also a few things to consider when taking your bike in a train during rush hour. 

13. When the train company says folding bikes only, they do not of course mean you. You can of course take your massive racing bike into a packed train. 

14. You must place your bike - unfolded - diagonally across the doorway. This works well if there is another bike already on board or a pram or pushchair. 

15. Worried your bike may fall over while you are sitting comfortably further down the carriage? Chain it up - blocking the gangway and/or door is best. Combination locks or padlocks are best for his but bungee cords wrapped around the pole several times will also work. 

16. When using stairs to get too:from the platform, your bike must be carried on your shoulder and you must not wait until the rush of people has gone. People don't really mind getting a few bruises or knocked down the stairs!

Happy cycling! 

Many thanks to my friends on Facebook for their help in compiling these rules. 

Be a rebel occasionally - break the rules!

Which is right?

While we were all readily observing Rules 11 and 12 at the Northern Line gate at Bank tonight, a father and his young daughter were trying to exit. The dad steered his child towards the exit, saying "we need to go this way". The young girl promptly started saying "excuse me please" and people were slowly moving out of her way (slowly because everyone was so spread out and it was so packed they really had nowhere to go). The dad said, "no just push through". The daughter's response? To say even more loudly "excuse me please". 

Which was right?

I love it when kids have better manners than their parents!

Rule 4 - Giving up your seat

Lovely example of practically a whole carriage observing this rule tonight. 

It started simply enough. A lady with crutches boarded the train at Woolwich Arsenal. Due to her incapacity, she needed to hold on to the rail to aid her. The young lady standing by the rail didn't move meaning she had problems. She was then unable to get a seat and everyone kept their heads down ignoring her.  Two gentlemen walked through from  the next carriage - one moving further along and the other stopping right by this lady. 

As we got to Plumstead one of the seated passengers got up to get off. She did apologise and said she hadn't realised. But she was hardly out of her seat when the second gentleman above jumped into it. Cue shock and outrage from those still standing!

But well done to everyone for still refusing to give up their seats. I guess they must all be pregnant or have hidden disabilities!

Rule 16 - sniffing

As its hayfever season there are lots of examples out there of people observing this rule - myself included (although I try as much as possible to be a rebel and use a tissue, but invariably when I need one the packet is buried at the bottom of my bag which means I must sniff a little). 

However, the prize today has to go to a lady that two of my colleagues shared their journey to Liverpool Street with this morning. We're not sure whether she had hayfever or a cold, but she spent the entire journey not just sniffing but snorting into the back of her throat. It was so disgusting that a gentleman sitting nearby actually had to get up and move! My colleagues would have done the same had there been anywhere to move to. 

So I would like to thank this lady for remembering the rules and disturbing her fellow passengers. 

Let's all remember to leave the tissues at home from now on. 

It must be love: Rule 26

Ahhhh isn't it sweet when a couple are so in love that they want to share it with everyone? This morning a young couple got on the train and sat next to me and my friend. When we came to the station that he was getting off at, he leaned across and gave his girlfriend several kisses. 

While standing at the door waiting for the train to stop, he looked back at her and she turned in her seat to gaze lovingly at him for a few more seconds. It was so lovely to see him mouth "I love you" and blow her a kiss 😘 and didn't make anyone feel in the least bit sick. Not even when he did the same walking away from her on the platform. 

Keep sharing the early morning love folks ❤️

Paying on the bus - rules 31 and 35

I do so love it when people try and blag their way onto a bus when they have no money on their Oyster!

This particular lady was trying to get on at Aldwych.  Now there is nearly always a queue to get on a bus here but this lady thought she could get on, stand near the driver and look for her card in her bag, while all the time still talking on her phone. She eventually found her card, tapped in and started to walk away, completely oblivious to the fact that it hadn't been accepted. The bus driver knew though and called her back. Cue more rummaging around in her bag for her purse, but now she's completely blocking the machine while still jabbering away. I'm afraid at this point I did lose my temper - I was trying to get on myself - and told her to get off the phone and deal with the situation!

It eventually transpired, after she had passed the phone to her friend, that she didn't have a contactless payment card either. Well she does but it's back in Australia. Can she use her friend's card? What do you mean no? OK then, can I give you this cash and you give me a pass? Sorry, we can't take cash. So can you help me out - can I get on the bus anyway?  I'm sorry, it's not allowed. Well yore not being very helpful are you?

Eventually after holding everyone up she got off. But how dare the driver not accept her cash or allow her to travel for free!

And as she wasn't issued with an emergency ticket she clearly knew she didn't have any money on her Oyster!

Rule 8 - phone conversations

In the last week I have heard many private phone conversations taking place very loudly while travelling to and from work, including the lawyer having a conversation with her client about his arrest for drug possession (luckily for her she didn't mention anything which could identify him).  But the best example is that which a bus driver friend overheard whilst at work yesterday.  I have copied the text exactly as he reported it (with his permission of course):

" As much as you think your phone call is private...

 You are on a bus full of people..

 Shouting your mouth off and having what you think is a private conversation really isn't...

 For instance...

 I don't think anyone wanted to know that Sarah on the second floor gave John from the IT department a bj on her lunch break... Especially the girl eating her McDonald porridge 2 seats away from you..."

 

Of course, he is wrong and everyone did want to know that obviously.

 

 

On a serious note

Regular readers of this blog will know that it is a light hearted look at those things our fellow commuters do on a daily basis that really annoy us. And let's face it, who can honestly say that they have not observed at least one of these rules?

Today though an article published by one of my local papers brings to our attention something that is definitely NOT acceptable. 

http://m.newsshopper.co.uk/news/12896453.Naked_bald_man_seen__aggressively_masturbating__and__grunting__in_Grove_Park/?ref=twtrec

 Here the rule is exactly what I say. This behaviour should be reserved for the privacy of your own home. I hope none of my readers would do this and if you have been on the receiving end of this behaviour (or ever are in the future) please make sure that you report it to the police - you can laugh at their appendages afterwards!

I have to say though, the comments on this article are amusing but please don't let them detract from the serious nature of what is being reported. 

Escalators - what is the rule here?

So we have briefly covered escalators in Rules 28 and 29:

28. When using the escalator, stand on the left and do not let anyone pass. When you reach the end, step off and stand looking about aimlessly for at least 30 seconds. We love a good escalator pile up. 

29. If people are breaking Rule 28, you may walk past them but you must bump into them and knock their shopping. Broken biscuits taste great! 

But last night I came across a new situation and am unsure what the rule is. It was the usual chaos at Bank with queues to get through both the Northern Line gate and to the Waterloo and City line. Once through the Northern Line gate, it was plain sailing until the second escalator when it started to get busy, but people were generally following the rules and acting confused in the case of tourists. However, on the last escalator down to the DLR, things got really interesting as for some reason it was heaving. Now we all know that you need to stop at the end of the escalator and look around but what do you do when you can't get off because the passage way is blocked but the escalator keeps moving you forward? Do you just bang into the back of people or do you try and avoid them? Avoiding was not possible last night - and meant everyone was breaking the Golden Rule about not talking on public transport!

Children, pushchairs and bicycles

Tonight was a great journey for people keeping the rules. At Woolwich we had both a lady with a pushchair and a guy with a bike get on, pushing their way on in front of everyone else. The guy with the bike places it by the opposite door and the lady  with pushchair put it lengthways next to the bike, while her child not in the pushchair ran to a seat. Meanwhile,

Everyone else was trying to get on but couldn't get to the seats because these two people had blocked the entry to the aisles. 

The two children then proceeded to scream and shout for the entire 15 minute journey, although to be fair some of the screaming I think was supposed to be singing!

The best bit though was when I came to get off. First of all I couldn't get past the pushchair. But the pushchair couldn't move (she also wanted to get off) because of the bike, which had been chained to one of the poles next to the door! Cue train being delayed via no-one could get off. The guy with the bike didn't like being told off by the platform staff either. 

So a big hats off to these two people for keeping the rules about noisy children and blocking access ways. 

Reading again

I know I've done a post on this subject recently but this morning's episode deserves a mention. 

I had just come out of Tesco having bought myself a chocolate croissant for breakfast (I knew it was going to be one of those days where a bowl of Special K just wouldn't hit the spot) when I came upon a woman walking slow in front of me. I was about to tut loudly and go round her when I realised she was reading. So I decided that the croissant could wait a few more minutes (hell I wasn't eager to get to work to tackle the mountain on my desk) and see how she coped with a busy London rush hour street. Oh how I wish now I'd had the guts to get my phone out and film her!

I'm guessing that she must do this most days as she seemed to be able to judge where a road was ahead and some street furniture. However, outside one of the phone shops an area had been sectioned off - I think it was going to have a pressure washer applied to it - with some cones and the type of poles that they use in showjumping. This lady was so engrossed in her book she nearly walked into it, only seeing it at the last minute. But did she stop reading? No, she just stepped around the obstruction and carried on, only to almost trip over the hose from the washer a few seconds later! 

These two incidents obviously put her off her stride as a minute later she nearly walked into a tree and then a bin. She did manage to miss the other pedestrians though. Unfortunately, she then crossed the road and I lost sight of her. I'd love to know whether she did jump into anything. I'll have to keep an eye out for her - and make sure my phone is to hand to film her!